Friday morning I got the email from my buddy Jay comparing this Sox post season to the Tower of Terror in Disney World. I started to think about it more and more and regardless of the outcome of the weekend’s games, it rang true; win or lose.
Before I get into it all I need to address TBS on Saturday. How in the fuck does TBS screw up that fucking bad? The Steve Harvey Show? Are you fucking serious?!? I know everyone was worried about Steve having a stress attack (it’s OK it wasn’t a heart attack) but as my buddy Dave pointed out; you’ve been shoving the Frank TV down our fucking throats every fucking day the same way you shoved fucking Tyler Perry down our throats during the NBA playoffs, you wouldn’t think to at least have that on? That way everyone would just think you’re still watching commercials.
For those of you who’ve never gone to Disney, this ride is awesome and as you’ll see very relevant. Basically the start of the ride is like the regular season or even the Angels series, some kind of cool stuff happens but you’re waiting for the fun stuff. That’s when the elevator gets into the shaft (he, he. shaft). There are 13 different programs so you could either drop or go up when you get into the shaft (he, he). Well, this Sox series against the Rays was the up first. After game one you were rocketed towards the top, thinking this is going to be a breeze series.
Then came game two. Which I will always believe lost the series for the Sox. Why Terry Francona, who we all love, would bring Mike Timlin (enjoy retirement assholeface) into a meaningful game, ever, is beyond me. But that’s when the ride starts going down. Not too fast, it just braked on the way to the top, but it was a sudden jerk and you get lifted from your seat a little bit.
Then came games three, four, and six innings of game five. At this point the ride is plummeting to the bottom and you think you’ve just wasted an hour standing in line for it to be over this quick. But all of a sudden the ride jerks again. Ortiz and Drew homer and you feel the ride shifting. After Varitek’s home run in game six, you are rocketing back towards the top. Paps gets the save and you think the ride will go on for a while longer.
Sunday starts with a Pedroia home run and you’re almost at the top. Then the Sox don’t manage one more hit till the seventh. Two men on with one out and Kotsay flys to right. First and third with two outs, Jason Varitek strikes out. All of a sudden the ride is rushing to the bottom. Then with the bases loaded in the eighth, JD Drew doesn’t swing a $14 Million home run and you feel the ride coming to an end.
And as the Sox whimpered into the ninth, you had hope when Bay walked, but realistically you were very worried. How the fuck does Varitek bat at that moment. Again, you’re conceding the fucking game letting this guy take a shit at the plate. Thank God we don’t have to see this anymore this year and hopefully the Sox make a blockbuster deal for a catcher that can at least bat his weight (check the stats, Varitek didn’t). Season over, Rays win. Please exit the ride in an orderly fashion.
Great job Saturday night. Suck, shit, awful, overmatched, looked like Matt Cassel in an NFL game, bad on Sunday. Where were the heroics? All on the other side of the field? Awful (did I mention that already?).
The only positive was that the Sox actually “defended” their title. Had they rolled over in game five and whimpered into the night it would have been even more embarrassing. By forcing the game seven, they at least made it interesting.
So once again, my Sox jersey heads back into the closet (next to my Bruins jersies) and will be pulled out in the spring. I’m not mad (surprisingly). After the Pats lost the Super Bowl and Brady went down earlier this year, you just have to take it in stride. At least we still have the C’s and as us old school Sox fans know, there’s always next year.